funny and sensitive

Pepe's teacher Leslie is moving to China to teach ESL. She has been talking to the kids about it, to help with the transition. This is a conversation told to us by her.

Nap time. Pepe talks. Leslie comes over.
Les;ie: shssss! shsss! (the leaves)
P: Where you going? Where you going? China?

***

Last night. On out bed. Pepe procrastinating going to bed.

P: I sleep here (eyes closed)
AM: For a little bit.
P: Yes, coz I am scared...
AM: Yes, why?
P: I just scared..
AM: It's OK, when you are scared just think of mommy and daddy and we will protect you from anything.
P: OK
AM: You know, it's OK to be scared. Mommy is scared sometimes.
P: Yes, and when you scared, I come and protect you. (gives me a kiss).

***

Yesterday morning. Told by Chris

Noises in Pepe's room
C: Are you up?
P: No. I sleeping (starts fake snoring).

misc conversations

Told to me by Chris

In the car. Pepe has Chris's wallet. He takes a credit card out and throws it.
C: Pepe, where is the credit card.
P: I threw it down, near the dump truck.
C: Pepe, it's not nice to throw the card.
P: But it's more fun (giggling).


Tonight at dinner.

AM: I see a french fry, it's right here (pointing to Pepe's tummy).
P: (Patting his tummy). I want to go there. And I want to get into daddy mouth and get into daddy's tummy. And mommy's tummy too.

Earlier in the afternoon

AM: (picks up a mini toy fan from the floor).
P: (comes oer, grabs the fan) I was using that.
AM: Can I use it too?
P: OK, I use it now, and then you can use it for a second, and then I use it again.

Train ride

On Sunday we decided to go downtown via the train. I wanted to hit H& M for their annual sale (yeah!), and though Pepe would enjoy the train ride and the playground in the Boston Garden. Pepe was very excited about going "Go on a train, that'd be fun". We drove there and parked the car in the garage. Pepe squealed when we got the ticket to enter the garage, and the gate went up. He was thrilled to take the escalator down the stairs, and use the Charlie pass to get into the trains station. He loved the train ride, though he kept talking about how "it does not go", bc the dark was creating an illusion. We had to take a bus from central to Park bc of constructions, and so Pepe got his wish - a bus ride. In the bus, he kept shouting "Look at that, a crane, and another crane, and a digger, look at that" and everyone was smiling in the train. We passed MGH, and I showed him where I work. At some point he grabbed the bag on pretzels and he did not want to let go of it, even though he did not eat any (this keeps happening, hoarding food). At Park street I hit H7 M for a bit and the boys hit the playground. I returned with coffee and bagels. Pepe was good, mostly. He did squeak a bit when he was not allowed to go on the playground without shoes, or under the sprinkler with shoes, but he was mostly good. The ride back was similar and Pepe had a blast. As we pulled out of the parking garage, I hear Pepe from the back seat : "Be careful, duckies, the gate is going up".

This morning, Pepe announced "I don't want to go to school, I want to go to work, to take the train".

He's been talking nonstop about the ride since yesterday and so we'll surely do this again soon!

the sweet and the tantrumy

We've learn some good lessons about Pepe's personality and style during the past few days. His mood can change in an instant. He loves to say "I don't want to" without questioning whether he actually wants or not to do an activity (this reminds me so much of Chris, who usually initially rejects whatever proposition that is outside of the usual routine). He does v well with warnings, like "10 more min, 9 more min" particularly when he is asked to repeat them. He loves kids. The other day at the rez he followed around this 3.5 y old girls imitating whatever she was doing. He is not easily distracted when it comes to the toys he loves. At the rez he followed an older kid with a funky digger around until the mom made him share. When he is overtired his mood becomes super labile. He is giving us the signs that he does not want to wear diapers anymore. It's a struggle to put them on. But, he is not eager to sit on the potty. He manages to get out of his car seat "I drive the car" and we might actually have to buy a new one. He is very affectionate. He continues to avoid the water and we continue to hope he will eventually learn to swim.

the consequences of not taking a nap

I picked Pepe up from school this afternoon, and did not make much of the teacher's comment "Pepe did not nap today". He was in a great mood, dragged me through the infant room, the tiny tot room, wanted me to read a book and listen to his playing the church piano. Off to the house we went to the neighbours' yard and Pepe kept busy with his diggers and excavators. Chris came home, I made dinner, we all ate together. As soon as Pepe was done, he jumped out of his chair shouting his well known "I all done". But his leg got banged a bit onto the chair, and this was the beginning of a loud evening... Pepe started screaming, nothing went his way, we could not comfort him. Chris took over and I let him take charge. We have very different styles, and I made a pact with myself not to interfere with what he does, unless he asks me to take over. He does the same with me. He asked for help. I asked for help. All became a team effort, and with help from a lollipop, Pepe is now in PJ's (hew), upstairs (hew), in bed (hew) and the house is nice and quiet (HEW).

***

This difference in parenting style can be tricky and I have not quite figured it out yet. It's still early in the game, as Pepe has only recently become so feisty and verbal, so both Chris and I are learning about our styles, what fits comfortable, our strenghs and weaknesses. It is amazing how much our styles are impacted by our parents' parenting of us. It's a nice opportunity for reliving, understanding and growing!

tuesday

My 12pm meeting was cancelled today so I sneaked in a bit of gym time before becoming in charge of pepe. chris put him down but pepe did not want to sleep. chris said he tried for 1 hour. so when i got home pepe was calling us "mommy,daddy". I said hi and told him he had to sleep. The huge box with the big boy bed was on the floor blocking the entrance - Chris said he heard a fall earlier but did not get concerned. As soon as I go in, Pepe starts telling me...

P: "I have books, read a book".
AM: Pepe, what happened with the box?
P: It fell off.
AM: Were you scared? (dumb question...)
P: Yes, I scared, I can't sleep, the storm is coming (little "fake put" on his face)
AM: Well, we can read a book and then you can read to yourself coz mommy has to sleep to.
P: OK
We read a book. I leave.
P: Mommy
AM: Yes (coming back)
P: I scared of the storm
AM: There is no storm, I promise
P; OK
I leave
P: Mommy
AM; Yes (returning).
P; Hi
AM: Pepe, I am going to nap, I am not coming back.
P: OK

10 minutes later, I am downstairs working on a paper.

P: Mommy, wake up! It's sunny out! Wake up,mommy!
This goes on for 10 minutes.

QUIET! 2 hours later I hear BOOM! I go in,the box is on the floor again, Pepe is happy jumping in the bed.
P: Hi mommy! I read books.
AM: Are you ready to get out?
P: No.
AM: OK, I'll go downstairs, you let me know when you are ready to get up.
P: OK.

1 Hour later.
P: I ready.
AM: OK

So easy! I love this independence.

During the afternoon we went to the res, a pool nearby,with a playground and lots of kids. We did not get suits coz it was not that warm. Pepe had a blast, talked to everyone, borrowed a truck from a little girl and made cement with it. I am so excited the res is open. Will be there everyday in the afternoon, have picnic dinners, yeah!

feedback from the child psych

The phone conversation was awesome. She observed Pepe today and got to see the positives - his amazing enthusiasm, verbal skills and humor, and the difficulties - transitions, and fine motor sills.

She had great suggestions about transitions - making a book with pictures of Pepe engaged in daily activities, in chronological order, so that Pepe gets some predictability and control over his day. We can do a similar one with things at home, boring things like getting dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed. She will also give us some exercises for Pepe's fine motor skills - she saw him struggle with eating with a fork, and preferring his hands.

All my worries about serious stuff were dissipated. Nice to be able to talk about them.

father's day

started with us sleeping in, recovering after tom petty's concert, coz pepe was with grandma for the night. pepe got picked up around noon, and he was happy to see us and his house. he had lots of pasta and told us all about his trip.

he delivered daddy's present - a home job t shirt (see picture in previous post) with inscription: "i love daddy. he is mine, i using him", a couple of hand made coupons which i am regretting just about now (kidding), and a home made vanilla and fruit cake (see picture in previous post)

papi, mary jane and jessy came over for an early dinner and pepe was charming eating his soy chips, playing with jessy, showing her his room. we all watched part of the cars video and pepe was laughing hysterically and we were laughing as well. a little pg after, more cars video, a haricut for chris and toe nail clipping for pepe, who did really well! he was very tired and went to sleep easily and we woke him up at 7 coz i had to leave for work.

a couple of pearls from last night.

(reading the digger book).
P. and when i am older, i drive a digger.
AM. how old do you have to be to drive a digger?
P. five.
AM. and how old are you going to turn in august?
P: three. i mean one, two, three, four five. i want five.
AM. OK: we'll put five candles on your birthday cake this year.
P; yes, and i'll blow them (tries to blow, but spits...)
AM: yes. what kind a cake you want?
P: a digger cake.

father's day

chec out the cake. no, the letters are not made of pepperoni, chris!!!

pepe's faith

Grandma took Pepe for the night, so that Chris and i could go see Tom Petty (yeah, felt 20 and 60 at the same time, I think Chris felt more like 70 - what does "Beat the Lakers" has to do with Tom Petty?). Chris and I had our family meeting (do I love those, they make me feel so organized) and Pepe was one of the topics. It's time to think and plan potty training, big boy bed, regular grooming, giving up the baba. The big boy bed will be set up in 2 weeks when Chris finishes school. Will start introducing the potty next week. We'll switch to pull ups in 2 weeks. And the baba...i am not really worried about that.

We also decided to dress Pepe in his crib, rather than have him walking around in his pjs - it gets to be tough to dress him later. He also needs to get used to combing his hair and other necessary grooming (like today's future haircut, yikes!).

In terms of the potty, everyone uses potty treats and rewards. While I am a true behaviorist, I feel uneasy to reward for a behavior that outta have intrinsic motivation. But can you expect a less than 3 y old to have intrinsic motivation for anything that's not primarily id? No. So there will be digger stickers and rewards.

Chris thinks that school destroys a child's spirit by forcing them to follow others' schedule rather than their own. While I agree this is partially true, I believe in fitting in, moving and adjusting to the way the world changes and turns. Yes, perhaps writing letters is more romantic than emails, or cell phones, but the world is what is and one has to embrace it - the likes and dislikes. And there is always a balance if you seek it and choose to see it.

Done!

the trouble with the psychologist in the house

i diagnose everything. when something is off with people i meet i always wonder why. it just how i think. it is automatic. i do it with me, i do it with others, i do it with pepe.

luckily i don't have any experience assessing and treating children, and have only basic knowledge of childhood disorders and appropriate treatments. nonetheless, i still worry about pepe. i worried about autism when he was younger and he spent time alone playing. that passed. i worried about color blindness. that passed. more recently i think about oppositional defiant behavior, since pepe is so antagonistic, easily upset and irritable, has such difficulties with transitioning. but then i tell myself that other times he is so sweet and pleasant and polite and affectionate. like last night, when we were playing propel, and he hurt my stomach when propelling... he immediately started kissing me and hugging me and telling me that it is going to get better. and he never really tantrums for more than a couple of minutes, and gets it when i give him 2 choices, that i mean it.

i also think about ocd, when pepe "undoes" things, like if i help him open the door, he closes it and goes back and opens it again...and of course, this could be, like we said, pepe's independent stubborn spirit.

so when pepe's teachers asked me whether i'd like to talk to the schools psychologist about pepe's difficulties with transitions, i was very happy bc i can also bring up these concerns. working with patients with mental illness makes me very sensitive to these issues, very understanding and very protective.

of course will blog about it...

afternoon in the neighbor's yard

pixs

HOT summer day, 99 F, pepe wants to wath TV...naked.

PEPE's latest fun activity - driving the car. He slipps into the car seat - "Mommy I'll drive it, you sit in the car seat".

too hot to do anything...

and no nap for pepe or work for me. yikes!
what happened? i can only blame chris (isn't it nice to be able to blame someone) coz pepe slept in the car this mid morning, on their way back from toy's are us. i bet pepe was tired, coz he woke up before 6 this am, and everyone had to be up as well. so since 2pm i've had pepe and the heat. we can't go to the playground bc of the heat, the rez is not open yet (saturday, yeah!), and pepe is in his demanding mood. he wanted to go in the back yard, and we spent 1 h there, pepe naked. next, he wanted to go on the street, and of course i said not. tantrum followed. wanted oj, then spilled it. wanted cranberry juice then spilled it. not even tv gets his attention. i'll give it another hour and then take him somewhere with AC. Heat, heat go away, come again another day!

pepe and the fan

pepe loved the fan in our bedroom last year. the fan was his fascination, kept asking to put him on, it was exasperating. but this evening when i put the fan on, he started screaming
"no fan".
and later, when chris sat on the bed, below the fan, pepe started screaming again
"no daddy, it is dangerous, you can get hurt".

i say, like father, like son. chris also hates the fan - not bc it is dangerous, but still!

caring for luke 2

pepe slept in today, answer to my prayers. we hang around in the morning with bob the builder and books and coffee and baba. next a trip to the gym for me - wednesday i'll be back running:) and playground for pepe and chris. next, an attempt to feed pepe at home, unsuccessful, prompted a trip to the ice house (and a smile, coz both chris and i think about jim when we see the ice house) with mac and cheese and french fries for pepe and smiles to everyone around. everywhere we go, people talk to pepe. and if they don't, the friendliest sofio immediately starts a conversation (reminds me of dad, of course).

at home, there was time for nap, which became nap no nap. we did leave him in his crib for an hour. he kept asking for daddy and i convinced chris that he should not go, "i agree, coz if i'll go he will grab my face and won't let go until i get him out". i only went in after a series of noises - did pepe climb out of his crib? no, the books, babas, and trucks have been thrown off... i told pepe he has to sleep, read another book, put star on, and both chris and i took a nap with the door closed.

i got pepe out of his crib after an hour.
P: "i up, mommy".
AM "Did you sleep".
P: "No, no sleep, but I up now".

Chris took luke for a walk, i took pepe to the beach/playground. again, we had loads of fun. pepe talked to everyone who talked or did not talk to him. i noticed he has an easier time sharing with girls. maybe practice with helli and pilar.

back home. pepe slept in the car. chris and i planned our family meeting, since we did not get anything discussed during this trip - both of us preferred "the wire" and just sitting around.
at home, pepe had a major tantrum, did not want a bath, and screamed his lungs out. i really like how i handle these tantrums and i think my method works. i held pepe and told him he can watch tv after the bath. to no avail. next, i told him that he either takes a bath or goes to his crib. i had to repeat that a couple of times, but he got it. he first gave me a searching look, kinda asking"are you for real?", and then hopped into the bath.

after bath pepe was a changed boy. he asked for daddy and apologized for having slapped him.

hopefully a good night sleep. it's hot and humid here.

caring for luke

we left for new castle friday afternoon to Luke sit for the weekend. chris left work early and i got everything ready including finishing references on a paper. hoo hoo, free for the weekend. pepe was so excited. he helped pack his bag and carried it downstairs. we looked down the window to see when daddy returned, so that we won't miss any precious seconds. the trip was so slow bc of traffic (and chris's driving, but that is another story..). friday night was uneventful. pepe seemed to understand that grandma was not home. he played a lot, watched bob the builder, read stories and finally went to bed at 9pm. chris and i settled into watching the wire (second time around) and stayed up way to late not anticipating an early morning awakening...yes, 6 am pepe was up. the light gets to him when we are here. he was up and cheerful and ready to play. he came to wake me up, make sure noone will be sleeping. there was of course morning tv, and no breakfast except a few sips (yes, sips) of yogurt. then pepe discovered "the cello" (whose cello??) and he was so excited and all of a sudden we hear music and we have no clue where it is comming from. chris and pepe went the the playground a bit (and i strategically hid the cello). more playground later, a trip to kittery for a little shopping (and bob the builder hopping, 50 cents/pop), then back home for a much needed nap (yes, 3 hours) and more wire for us, a nap for me, tennis for chris. playground with mommy followed - lots of fun, pepe made a few friends and they were all jumping up and down those tire bridges; also i realize more and more that this kid needs a sibling as the only things he wanted to play with were those that other kids were already playing with - excavator, "I need it" only when another kids was using it; excavator, "No, no no" when it was free to use. chris came to pick us up and we all went downtown. i wanted an icecream, pepe said he did not want one, but as soon as i got mine, he immediately announced "that's mine". there you go. we saw lots of cranes and boats and pepe was so entertaining and entertained. fun fun fun. the ride back home was trickier, but bob the builder did the trick, and pepe even ate one waffle and 1/2 banana, and we just finished changing him (using the excavator digger dump track analogy to get him in and out clothes) and now he is sleeping or on his way and lets hope for a later start of the day tomorrow. wire, here we come! again.

new discovery

pepe slipped into the driver seat this afternoon when i got him out of his car seat. "I drive the car", he said. and then, the following:

P: " And this is for the night time" (turning lights on and off)
P: "And this is to make it warm in the car, for cold weather (pointing to the heater)
P: "And this is to clean the window, when it rains" (pointing to the windshield wipers)
P: "And this is for when the car no work" (pointing to the warning lights).

so pretty soon he'll actually ask whether he can drive the car, and then he'll get a license....no,no, no, let's stay present oriented here.

wake up, mommy

pepe has been into waking me up in the morning these days. chris is usually the first up except on saturday when i have my early morning run. pepe calls us, chris gets him and brings him into the bedroom. here is a glimpse into this morning's routine:

P: "I up".
C: OK, lets get up.
P. Where is mommy?
C: Mommy is sleeping.
P: I need to wake mommy.
C: OK, lets go.

Pepe comes into the bedroom and starts shaking me
P: Mommy, wake up, it's sunny out.
C: Well, it's not sunny today, but it's light out.
P: Wake up, it's light out...I need (trying to climb into the bed), I need, I need to pull covers.
(Pepe pulls covers off me).
P: Mommy wake up, coz, you have to wake up, coz, no sleep now, coz it's light out, coz you go to work, coz i need to show you the bulldozer book.
(Finally I open my eyes).
AM: I am up, but I need kisses from my boys.
(Kisses follow). Everyone goes downstairs.
Day starts right!

is this the begining of something

when i picked pepe from school today his teacher leslie took me aside and told me that pepe started spitting and now all the kids are spitting as well. she said pepe thinks spitting is very funny and he is pretty proud of himself...

grroming for boys

how do you teach a boy about grooming, washing his hands and face, wearing a clean T shirt, brushing his teeth and hair, taking a bath...

every day i get pepe ready for bed, there are piles of sand coming out of each shoe and sock. shirt is colored with food, dirt, and i can guess what activities he was involved in at school. face is black, legs are black, hands are blocker than black.

changing him is hell. he does not care for anything except playing. he is getting better about washing his hands before meals, but everything else is a struggle.

will it always be? should i blame chris and his environmental concerns for this? should i blame me for not being stricter about these things earlier on? this is starting to trouble me more and more and so i will make it our new little project -just like mica murdarica (one of pepe's favs) he will become pepe the clean boy.

gotta post for buni

buni sent an email this morning, worried about us, coz "you have not updated the blog since may 28th". could she have thought that perhaps there is nothing interesting to post about? of course not, everything about pepe is interesting.

so what has pepe been up to? the weekend was a blur. we had no idea what we were going to do. there was some talk about meeting with grandma in newberry port so that her friends could meet pepe (that did not happen). there was talk about getting together with cave (that did not happen). there was talk about going to karl's for dinner (that happened but i escape to see "sex in the city').

we managed to go the the mall, and pepe rode the cars, had french fries and soda.

on monday caitlin from daycare told me that pepe was so good, that "he even shared his digger, you know, his digger, you know how he is about his digger".

papi et co came over yesteday for pizza and cake, to celebrate dan's bday. pepe was such a flirt - rolling his eyes, chewing with his mouth open, crunching food, ya know, anything to get attention. he hated the pizza (coz it was not peperoni) and cake (coz it was not chocolate). he was a bit upset that dan blew the candles ("i do that") but overall it was a pleasant evening.